I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.