My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
I washed mud off of mud.
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.