When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.

I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.

Why are they called a-part-ments, when they're all stuck together?

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.