People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.

Smoking cures weight problems, eventually.

I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.

I saw a want ad. "light housekeeping." They said "Here, change this bulb." I said "I'll need some friends."

Even snakes are afraid of snakes.

Half the people you know are below average.

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?