I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect.

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.

Sometimes I talk to myself in languages I'm unfamiliar with... just to screw with my subconscious.

I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.

I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.

My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.

Do you have any toy train schedules?