My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.

I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, "Do you want white cake or chocolate cake?" I said, "yes."