My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.

I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."

A fool and his money are soon partying.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em

I'm not afraid of heights. I'm afraid of widths.