My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.

If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them

To me, comedy is just twisting reality. It's commenting or observing or twisting life.

Do the people in Australia call the rest of the world 'Up Over'?

I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?