My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.

The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Even snakes are afraid of snakes.

Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.