My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.

Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.

How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dis-ing them anyhow?

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. "We're surrounded."

Sometimes I talk to myself in languages I'm unfamiliar with... just to screw with my subconscious.

There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.