I didn't want to be selling insurance at 40, wondering what would it have been like to do stand-up.

I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.

I took a lie detector test the other day. No, I didn't.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. "We're surrounded."

Smoking cures weight problems, eventually.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.