Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

The doctor says he has to amputate all of me.

I went to the hardware store to buy some batteries, but they weren't included, so I had to buy them again.

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, "Hello?" and I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?"... They said, "Uh... I don't think so... he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait."

All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?