I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.

People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

Smoking cures weight problems, eventually.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?

I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four."