I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.

I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams were broadcast all over the world.

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.