I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.

Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams were broadcast all over the world.

I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.

I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.

I just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost.

My secret to staying young... Having no sense of time.