I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

I love eating chocolate cake and ice cream after a show. I almost justify it in my mind as, 'You were a good boy onstage and you did your show, so now you can have some cake and ice cream.'

I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.

I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up. I couldn't find tractors small enough to fit it.

I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.

I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.