Like other kids wanted to become firemen or astronauts, I wanted to make people laugh.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

I had amnesia once or twice.

Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, 'So, what did you think?

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.