Like other kids wanted to become firemen or astronauts, I wanted to make people laugh.

I have a fax machine with "fax waiting".

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. "We're surrounded."

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, "Hello?" and I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?"... They said, "Uh... I don't think so... he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait."