Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.

It's one of the tragic ironies of the theatre that only one man in it can count on steady work - the night watchman.

Working on television is like being shot out of a cannon. They cram you all up with rehearsals, then someone lights a fuse and - .BANG! - there you are in someone's living room.

I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late, start without me.

Television could perform a great service in mass education, but there's no indication its sponsors have anything like this on their minds.

I have been tight as a tick! Fried as a mink! Stiff as a goat!

The less I behave like Whistler's mother the night before, the more I look like her the morning after.