Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?

Boys can be disgusting. You can't leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We're just obnoxious.

To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise.

Before Kady was born, I didn't think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.

Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. A typhoon couldn't blow that thing off their heads. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.

When somebody tells you they're not very smart, they're saying exactly the opposite.

Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom.