Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end'. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.

I'm a very bad student, but a great learner.

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.

If it doesn't say Binford on it, somebody else probably made it.

Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, "And let there be aluminum siding." Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree's on a golf course, all the better.

There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.