Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet.

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.

You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.

Believe it or not, there are twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people.

One of the things I like about when I tour sometimes is that occasionally you'll see a dad there with his 12-year-old son and they're both enjoying it.

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'