The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it.

I phoned the local ramblers club today and this bloke just went on and on.

So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.

You know, I'm not very good at magic - I can only do half of a trick. Yes - I'm a member of the Magic Semi-circle.

I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

So I was getting into my car and this bloke says to me, 'Can you give me a lift?' I said, 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it!'

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."