The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it.

I love acting, but it's all just a bonus.

So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doesn't really count as narrative.

I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.

Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I'm not really qualified to talk on all of them any more than anyone else is.

For one thing, I don’t pun excessively in real life.