I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.

Velcro: what a rip-off.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

So I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me on?" I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything."

The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it.

People think that because of my act that I must have a really busy mind and I must be driven. I really am not. I quite like going outside and looking at spiders on a hedge in my garden and stuff.

I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.