I took part in the sun-tanning Olympics – I just got bronze.

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'

I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.

I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.

I phoned the local ramblers club today and this bloke just went on and on.

Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.