So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.'

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'

So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."

I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.

If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doesn't really count as narrative.

If you compulsively pun you are called a paronomasiac.

My house is a bit like a teenager's bedroom. The kind of pictures you have hanging up on your wall say a lot about you. I've got ones of Evel Knievel, Elvis and Starsky and Hutch, signed by David Soul.