Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I'm not really qualified to talk on all of them any more than anyone else is.

I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.

So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."

So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

People think that because of my act that I must have a really busy mind and I must be driven. I really am not. I quite like going outside and looking at spiders on a hedge in my garden and stuff.