Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

I'd like to start with the chimney jokes - I've got a stack of them. The first one is on the house.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doesn't really count as narrative.