Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

I phoned the local ramblers club today and this bloke just went on and on.

Velcro: what a rip-off.

If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doesn't really count as narrative.

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End...'

Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.