So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."

My friend told me he was going to a fancy-dress party as an Italian island. I said: 'Don’t be Sicily’.

My house is a bit like a teenager's bedroom. The kind of pictures you have hanging up on your wall say a lot about you. I've got ones of Evel Knievel, Elvis and Starsky and Hutch, signed by David Soul.

I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.

When I left home, my mum said "Don't forget to write", I thought, "That's unlikely"... It's a basic skill isn't it.