When I left home, my mum said "Don't forget to write", I thought, "That's unlikely"... It's a basic skill isn't it.

I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

So I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me on?" I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything."

Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.

I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.