My friend told me he was going to a fancy-dress party as an Italian island. I said: 'Don’t be Sicily’.

As you get older you're told to be sensible, but it's important for writing if you're a comic that you're able to still access that childlike thing.

I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

For one thing, I don’t pun excessively in real life.

I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.

I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.