I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.

Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.

Velcro: what a rip-off.

When I left home, my mum said "Don't forget to write", I thought, "That's unlikely"... It's a basic skill isn't it.

I'll tell you what makes my blood boil?... Crematoriums.

I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.

So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."