I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.

I love acting, but it's all just a bonus.

So I was getting into my car and this bloke says to me, 'Can you give me a lift?' I said, 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it!'

The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it.

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?"

I'm not someone who gets to play The O2 and places like that, but that's the kind of rock and roll venue. The popularity of stand-up means that some people are getting to play rock star venues.

My DVD cellophane was put on by a psychiatrist. It was shrink-wrapped.