I'll tell you what makes my blood boil?... Crematoriums.
I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.
My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?" I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."
I love acting, but it's all just a bonus.
I sit in places like Costa Coffee in Banstead and write rubbish. I need a deadline. I think about the 44 tour dates and keep imagining standing in front of all these people. Then every day I write 15 jokes minimum.