Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.
I phoned the local ramblers club today and this bloke just went on and on.
People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway.
You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.
I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.
I saw this train driver and said, 'I wanna go to Paris.' He said, 'Eurostar?' I said, 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.' Mind you, at least the Eurostar's comfy. It's murder on the Orient Express isn't it?