My DVD cellophane was put on by a psychiatrist. It was shrink-wrapped.

My DVD cellophane was put on by a psychiatrist. It was shrink-wrapped.

When I left home, my mum said "Don't forget to write", I thought, "That's unlikely"... It's a basic skill isn't it.

I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.

With silly stuff, it's seventy-five percent confidence. I always tell people that it's because I'm nervous about getting that next laugh and I need to hear it. I always want to condense a joke

So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.