My DVD cellophane was put on by a psychiatrist. It was shrink-wrapped.

I met this gangster who pulls up people's pants. Name's Wedgie Kray.

I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'

I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.

For one thing, I don’t pun excessively in real life.

I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.