I'm not someone who gets to play The O2 and places like that, but that's the kind of rock and roll venue. The popularity of stand-up means that some people are getting to play rock star venues.

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

I love acting, but it's all just a bonus.

If you compulsively pun you are called a paronomasiac.

So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?"

So I was getting into my car and this bloke says to me, 'Can you give me a lift?' I said, 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it!'