I'm not someone who gets to play The O2 and places like that, but that's the kind of rock and roll venue. The popularity of stand-up means that some people are getting to play rock star venues.

I love acting, but it's all just a bonus.

Velcro: what a rip-off.

I met this gangster who pulls up people's pants. Name's Wedgie Kray.

Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.

People think that because of my act that I must have a really busy mind and I must be driven. I really am not. I quite like going outside and looking at spiders on a hedge in my garden and stuff.

I'd like to start with the chimney jokes - I've got a stack of them. The first one is on the house.