I'm not someone who gets to play The O2 and places like that, but that's the kind of rock and roll venue. The popularity of stand-up means that some people are getting to play rock star venues.

Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.

So I was getting into my car and this bloke says to me, 'Can you give me a lift?' I said, 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it!'

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End...'

I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I'm not really qualified to talk on all of them any more than anyone else is.

My DVD cellophane was put on by a psychiatrist. It was shrink-wrapped.