For one thing, I don’t pun excessively in real life.

Conjunctivitis.com — that’s a site for sore eyes.

I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.

I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.

I'll tell you what makes my blood boil?... Crematoriums.

Believe it or not, there are twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people.

So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".