Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.

I met this gangster who pulls up people's pants. Name's Wedgie Kray.

So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."

For one thing, I don’t pun excessively in real life.

Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.

Conjunctivitis.com — that’s a site for sore eyes.

My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?" I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."