Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I'm not really qualified to talk on all of them any more than anyone else is.

I met this gangster who pulls up people's pants. Name's Wedgie Kray.

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End...'

So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.

If you compulsively pun you are called a paronomasiac.

The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it.