Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I'm not really qualified to talk on all of them any more than anyone else is.

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'

I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."

As you get older you're told to be sensible, but it's important for writing if you're a comic that you're able to still access that childlike thing.

I met this gangster who pulls up people's pants. Name's Wedgie Kray.

The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it.