Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.

You know, I'm not very good at magic - I can only do half of a trick. Yes - I'm a member of the Magic Semi-circle.

So I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me on?" I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything."

So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.

Believe it or not, there are twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people.

I met this gangster who pulls up people's pants. Name's Wedgie Kray.