You know, I'm not very good at magic - I can only do half of a trick. Yes - I'm a member of the Magic Semi-circle.

People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway.

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it.

My DVD cellophane was put on by a psychiatrist. It was shrink-wrapped.

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.