I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

I've been on the whisky diet - I've already lost three days!

Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."