Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'

Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

I went into a butchers and I said, 'I'll have a pound of sausages. 'He said, 'I'm very sorry, sir, we only serve kilos in here. 'I said, 'Okay then I'll have a pound of kilos.'

I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."