Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.

So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?"

A friend of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.

A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.

I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".