A friend of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

So I went to the Doctor's yesterday. He said, "What appears to be the problem?" I said, "I keep having this dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away." He said, "How can I help?" I said: "Break my arms."

Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.

A policeman stopped me and said: Would you please blow into this bag, sir? I said: What for, officer? He said: My chips are too hot.

Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'