I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."
Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'
Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds later they come alight again, well the other day there was a fire at the factory that makes them.
I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
A friend of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this my livelihood.'