I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure

I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.

Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds later they come alight again, well the other day there was a fire at the factory that makes them.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

Two fish in a tank, one says to the other - you drive I'll man the guns.

So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?"

I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.