So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

So a man jumps into a taxi and says "King Arthur's close" and the taxi driver says, "don't worry we'll lose him at the next lights".

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

I backed horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.