I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure

My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.

I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.

So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window.

I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.