'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'

Two fish in a tank, one says to the other - you drive I'll man the guns.

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure