Two fish in a tank, one says to the other - you drive I'll man the guns.

I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."

My wife had a go at me last night. She said, Youll drive me to my grave. I had the car out in thirty seconds.

So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?"

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.

So a man jumps into a taxi and says "King Arthur's close" and the taxi driver says, "don't worry we'll lose him at the next lights".