A policeman stopped me and said: Would you please blow into this bag, sir? I said: What for, officer? He said: My chips are too hot.
I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.
I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.
My wife had a go at me last night. She said, Youll drive me to my grave. I had the car out in thirty seconds.
A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.