Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?"

Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'

I've been on the whisky diet - I've already lost three days!

So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.