I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
Tommy CooperSo I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window.
Tommy CooperTwo peanuts walk into a rather rough bar, not looking for any trouble. Unfortunately, one was a salted.
Tommy CooperI cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
Tommy Cooper