Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds later they come alight again, well the other day there was a fire at the factory that makes them.

A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. "It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises." replies the man. "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?" "Like a glove."

I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's.” “Well you can't say fairer than that then

My wife had a go at me last night. She said, Youll drive me to my grave. I had the car out in thirty seconds.

A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.

Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'