I've been on the whisky diet - I've already lost three days!
A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time' The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'.
Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'
I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.
I had a meal last night. I ordered everything in French, surprised everybody. It was a Chinese restaurant. I said to this Chinese waiter, 'Look, this chicken I got here is cold.' He said, 'It should be, it's been dead two weeks.'