I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.

He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, "That's a turn-up for the books".

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's.” “Well you can't say fairer than that then

I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.