I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.
Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.
I had a meal last night. I ordered everything in French, surprised everybody. It was a Chinese restaurant. I said to this Chinese waiter, 'Look, this chicken I got here is cold.' He said, 'It should be, it's been dead two weeks.'
Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
A friend of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.