A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'

Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's.” “Well you can't say fairer than that then

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

My wife had a go at me last night. She said, Youll drive me to my grave. I had the car out in thirty seconds.

Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!

I've been on the whisky diet - I've already lost three days!