A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'

I always sit in the tail end of a plane, always. You never hear of an plane backing into a mountain.

Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.

So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster".

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".