Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'

And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.

So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?"

I've been on the whisky diet - I've already lost three days!