So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?". I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".

Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.

Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure

I backed horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.