So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?"

And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.

So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster".

Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'

My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.

And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this my livelihood.'

Two fish in a tank, one says to the other - you drive I'll man the guns.