So a man jumps into a taxi and says "King Arthur's close" and the taxi driver says, "don't worry we'll lose him at the next lights".

A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

I always sit in the tail end of a plane, always. You never hear of an plane backing into a mountain.

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms"

A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.

Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!