So a man jumps into a taxi and says "King Arthur's close" and the taxi driver says, "don't worry we'll lose him at the next lights".

I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'

Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.

So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster".

A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.

Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds later they come alight again, well the other day there was a fire at the factory that makes them.

A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. "It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises." replies the man. "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?" "Like a glove."